ASSUMPTION: you cannot be killed in any way that matters
this is true
i hate coffee culture
"don't TALK to me before I've had my morning coffee" mate ur sleep deprived,,, caffeine wont save u
"I run on coffee and sarcasm" i am BEGging u to eat breakfast ur body needs fuel and if u eat food u might be inclined to,,, be nice to ppl
"if I don't drink coffee I get a headache" that's called a caffeine addiction,,,,, u have made ur body dependent on a shitty drug
"coffee gets me through the day" i mean studies show it reduces productivity but sure mate carry on
look in the dictionary for the word amazing and theres a picture of you next to it! i love you!!
holy shit your right
thinking about when my mom told me about the time she got a pumpkin spice latte at starbucks and was confused about why it tasted burnt bc she didnt realize lattes had coffee in them
ngfl i have to hold back a snicker Every Time just,, picturing bigfoot, in a suit, looking so DONE with this conspiracy theorist has me dead
"PLEASE MR FBI MAN YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME"
"sir... the fact that you are even calling me with this is proof you don't know shit"
is the fbi president like really backlit for most of it or smthn so you can't tell he's anything more than a guy with a mullet or whatever? or is it just *dial tone otomotopoea*
sweet bod and jaws 👌
sweet bod: were you an egyptology kid, a dragonology kid, a wizardology kid, or are you somehow not familiar with the ology books? and/or have you ever tried a snake oil product?
jaws: explain the plot of a movie you like, poorly
and it's hidden behind a wall panel with a sneaky sliding handle and up this spooky staircase and they go up and look around and it's really, really dark. an acorn falls down the stairs! they go up and they can't see anything it's like the air is full of dark creatures but then the darkness runs away and swarms into the cracks of the room and they find the windows and open the shutters to let in the light and holler at their dad. and satsuki goes back downstairs but mai wants to find the dark creatures so she looks into one of the cracks in the wall panels and sees one, and then she pokes her finger in and they go STREAMING out and she claps her hands and catches one! and she brings it down to show but there's just black soot on her hands.
the old lady from next door is there and she tells mai that they're soot sprites! and that you can only see them when you're very young. there's also a boy who is rude and he's the old lady's grandson.
then there's a storm and wind goes roaring all around the house and blows their stuff around and blows a hole in their bucket. the family are having a nice time in the tubs together listening to the storm and getting freaked out by it and laughing about it.
there's a camphor tree by their house, and the next day when mai's out looking at the wreckage from the storm and she finds a bucket with a hole in the bottom, she's looking through the hole and she sees a little totoro in the grass! so she chases it all over the house and under the porch and into the forest and follows it through a bush tunnel until she gets to the base of the camphor tree and finds the big totoro! and she takes a nap on totoro and then wakes up in the tunnel.
then they're waiting for the bus in the rain because their dad forgot his umbrella and then totoro shows up and waits at the bus with them, and he's got a leaf on his head, so they give him the umbrella and they have to show him how to use it. he gives them a little leaf package in return. then a bus that is also a cat shows up and he gets on and they're like "wow. catbus". then their dad's bus shows up.
then they're sleeping on the porch in mosquito nets and they planted the seeds outside and totoro shows up to grow the seeds and they go out and help him by p u s h i n g them up until they become a tree and then he hops on his top and the hop on his belly and he takes them for a fly around and then they sit in the tops of the tree and play ocarinas.
then i think they visit their mom? and at one point mai has to go to school with satsuki for some reason because their dad isnt there? and then they're walking home and it starts raining and mai falls in a puddle and the boy who is rude stops and gives them an umbrella. satsuki goes over to their house later to return the umbrella and call their dad.
and then they are in the fields with the old lady eating fresh vegetables and picking corn and they get a telegram about their mom getting sicker and she can't come home and mai wants to bring her corn to her mom but they can't and she gets in a big fight with satsuki and satsuki calls her stupid and mai says 'i'm not stupid!' and cries and runs off with her corn.
then mai doesn't come back.
and they get all the neighbors out looking for her and dredging the pond after they find a sandal but satsuki says it's not hers and she runs all over the place looking for her until her feet swell up in her sandals so she takes them off and keeps running and she keeps asking people if they've seen mai
then she goes to the campher tree to try and find totoro. and she cries and then totoro appears and calls the catbus and they go on the catbus and find mai crying in the middle of nowhere and then they go in the catbus to visit mom and leave mai's corn on her windowsil.
then in the end credits mom comes home :)